Darling Nikki Responds to Orally Dysfunctional and Just Wondering

Hello Everyone!

I hope you were able to join us this past Sunday where we discussed Communication and Relationships. It was a great show and if you missed it you can download to hear and please listen in next week!

Also, I love feedback so please feel free to post your advice, comments, and concerns so we can discuss on upcoming shows. This week we have 2 questions so lets read and get your comments.

Dear Darling Nikki:

I have been in a long term relationship with my boyfriend (3 years) and we have a great relationship. He has adopted my children as his own and I’ve done the same with him. We are an ideal couple – we work toward the same goals and partner on everything. He meets all my needs, anything I want he gives me. He is a chef and is home most of the day while I work so when I get home the house is cleaned, kids doing homework and dinner is on the table. Many nights he will meet me with a glass of wine and top that off with a foot massage and a night of making love.

So, you are probably wondering, what’s the problem? Well, while he pleases me completely in every way I want, I cannot perform oral sex. I just can’t do it! The whole act of it bothers me – just thinking of it bothers me. I’ve never tried and he has asked me numerous times. He takes care of me orally but I can’t return the love in that manner. I can’t bring myself to go below. I don’t want to have this be a hindrance in our relationship what do you suggest I do to overcome this bedroom obstacle. I love him and want to please him but do I have to do this?

Orally Dysfunctional

New Jersey

Dear Orally Dysfunctional:

I will say that you should not take too much of a formal attitude toward what should be a spontaneous act with your partner. You might just be over thinking the whole process and working yourself up to a point where you feel you might not be good at it or not be able to please him. If you are new to the this act – which from your letter it seems you are – then start off slow and have him guide you with either his words or his moans. You do not need to become an expert overnight so soft strokes and kisses in sensitive areas are a good start. You don’t have to make this a “happy ending” orally but it could be a way for both of you to enjoy foreplay. Discover him in a new way, allow him to enjoy you in a new way and this will take both of you to new sexual heights. My advice in a nutshell: Loosen up and act more spontaneously in the bedroom I know this will have a positive effect for both of you to … especially for him!

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Darling Nikki:

When do you think its time to become a couple of make it official?

Just Wondering

New Jersey

Dear Just Wondering:

Firstly, you should not totally stop dating once you meet a guy that you think is the right one for you right? We all do it, date other people, until we are sure that this is the person we want to be committed to. It’s been my experience that men generally lead the way in this romance area. He usually stops dating/sleeping with other people weeks before he even tells you. By the time he does tell you, recognize that he is stating that he is interested in you…and only you. When you get introduced to people, if he isn’t ready for couple hood he will keep this boundary. He will introduce you as a friend or my date or someone he is just seeing versus My Girl. Once he says my girl, my boo, my honey…MY anything, then take this as another flag towards the two of you being a couple. When he brings you to meet his friends … you know its serious and the same with us. He’s gotta pass the girlfriend check. If he has introduced you to relatives then good chances are… you are a couple. Even if it’s just on the phone this should be considered a milepost. If most of these are yes, then chances are you have already become a couple. When you go from just dating to serious dating, it isn’t a sudden process. It’s a gradual transformation where you begin consistently putting each other first, where you start running plans by each other, and where you spend a lot of free time together. Eventually, your lives become as one and you are now official.

Until Next Time…

Think Naughty Thoughts,

Nikki

Sex Tip: Good Head

Good Head Gel

This gel used on him gives a nice fruity taste while you are satisfying him. The plus it numbs the back of your throat so it prevents the gag reflex and allows you to give Good Head!

www.romancepotions.org

Married with Children Wants Out!

Welcome to "Darling Nikki"! I'm Nikki your relationship love coach. This column is designed to assist you with love, sex and relationship issues. I hope you consider me a friend and use me as a sounding board. The advice I give will come from books, experience, and sometimes just good sense. Feel free to voice your opinions too on other issues you see here. We will also discuss letters on the talk show so tune in and join the conversation!

So, here is our first love query:


Hi Nikki,

I hope that I am the first to request adv. I really need it. But my issues may take a while to get through. Ok- I married 3 years ago this year. And I love my husband dearly and I don't want anyone else anymore. But I am not sexually in tune with him. I taught him a lot in the bedroom. He is from Africa and he was like a new baby when he came here. We went through a abusive relationship for a little while but everything is fine now or at least it seems but we don't live together anymore. I kicked him out in Dec.I really want to be with him but I don't desire to hold his body or make love to him. I have a date with him this fri for sex, sounds crazy but its true. I haven't had it in more than 4 months and it doesn't bother me at all. I am only 28 yrs old. Whats wrong with me?


Michelle*, Brooklyn, NY

*Name as been changed for privacy reasons


Hi Michelle,

I read your letter and it took me a minute to put my mind around all the different things you were saying and not saying. So after reading and re-reading this is what I would advise - ultimately at the end of the day it's still your decision.

First of all, there is nothing wrong with you! You love your husband but you are not IN LOVE with him ... huge difference. And while you desire to be affectionate with someone it doesn't have to be him. I think you are at a state where you need to move on. Your relationship has gone through major trials and tribulations and just the fact that you asked him to leave means you are not happy with him or the relationship you have with him. Having a sex date is not going to fix the bigger problems you have (which I feel you've not really put down here) nor is it fair to him to send the wrong signals.

You are young and its time for you to open your eyes and realize that this may not be the ideal relationship for you. Abuse, whether physical or mental is an absolute red flag to 'GET OUT"!

Here's my advice in a nutshell: You asked him to leave for a reason - think about the actions and reasons that brought you to the point to ask him to leave. Then consider if this is the relationship you want to be in and the man you want to be with. If so, you gotta work it out - whether it be through counseling, family members or just the two of you. I also feel that there should be a strong physical desire to be with your partner... I'm not getting that from your letter but, it could be that you are just not happy with him and cant see him in that light.

I hope I was able to at least allow you to see things from a different perspective and take the steps to allow you to be happy.


-Nikki


Send your questions or stories to Romancepotions4u@aol.com

Until next time...

Think Naughty Thoughts
Nikki

Sex Tip
Try the Humdinger a great toy for him and her. Vibrations for both of you to enjoy simultaneously!


And as always for updates and additional information on the show check out www.dnatalkradio.com

Love Advice Inquiries

We know y'all have relationship problems out there. In almost an "advice hour" type format, DnA Talk Radio has enlisted, Nikki, who has penned herself as the "Dr. Ruth of the New Generation" to appear on our main site, www.dnatalkradio.com as well as be a reoccuring guest on our Internet Talk Radio Show on Sundays at 5pm EST, to answer relationship and love questions.

Don't be shy, she's here to help. You don't have to worry about being judged and don't worry, if need be, you can request to have your identity withheld. Any questions you have can be emailed to her at romancepotions4u@aol.com.

If you don't have questions yet just keep www.dnatalkradio.com in your favorites as we promise to always keep it interesting as we discuss entertainment, current events, and our honest opinions on everything.

If you don't need advice yet, feel free to pass along any interesting or funny dating stories, or comment on any of the issues in the blog.

Disclaimer: Questions sent may be used on the blog or used during a segment on the online radio talk show; but again if need be, we won't use your real name.

And as always for updates and additional information on the show check out www.dnatalkradio.com