Married with Children Wants Out!

Welcome to "Darling Nikki"! I'm Nikki your relationship love coach. This column is designed to assist you with love, sex and relationship issues. I hope you consider me a friend and use me as a sounding board. The advice I give will come from books, experience, and sometimes just good sense. Feel free to voice your opinions too on other issues you see here. We will also discuss letters on the talk show so tune in and join the conversation!

So, here is our first love query:


Hi Nikki,

I hope that I am the first to request adv. I really need it. But my issues may take a while to get through. Ok- I married 3 years ago this year. And I love my husband dearly and I don't want anyone else anymore. But I am not sexually in tune with him. I taught him a lot in the bedroom. He is from Africa and he was like a new baby when he came here. We went through a abusive relationship for a little while but everything is fine now or at least it seems but we don't live together anymore. I kicked him out in Dec.I really want to be with him but I don't desire to hold his body or make love to him. I have a date with him this fri for sex, sounds crazy but its true. I haven't had it in more than 4 months and it doesn't bother me at all. I am only 28 yrs old. Whats wrong with me?


Michelle*, Brooklyn, NY

*Name as been changed for privacy reasons


Hi Michelle,

I read your letter and it took me a minute to put my mind around all the different things you were saying and not saying. So after reading and re-reading this is what I would advise - ultimately at the end of the day it's still your decision.

First of all, there is nothing wrong with you! You love your husband but you are not IN LOVE with him ... huge difference. And while you desire to be affectionate with someone it doesn't have to be him. I think you are at a state where you need to move on. Your relationship has gone through major trials and tribulations and just the fact that you asked him to leave means you are not happy with him or the relationship you have with him. Having a sex date is not going to fix the bigger problems you have (which I feel you've not really put down here) nor is it fair to him to send the wrong signals.

You are young and its time for you to open your eyes and realize that this may not be the ideal relationship for you. Abuse, whether physical or mental is an absolute red flag to 'GET OUT"!

Here's my advice in a nutshell: You asked him to leave for a reason - think about the actions and reasons that brought you to the point to ask him to leave. Then consider if this is the relationship you want to be in and the man you want to be with. If so, you gotta work it out - whether it be through counseling, family members or just the two of you. I also feel that there should be a strong physical desire to be with your partner... I'm not getting that from your letter but, it could be that you are just not happy with him and cant see him in that light.

I hope I was able to at least allow you to see things from a different perspective and take the steps to allow you to be happy.


-Nikki


Send your questions or stories to Romancepotions4u@aol.com

Until next time...

Think Naughty Thoughts
Nikki

Sex Tip
Try the Humdinger a great toy for him and her. Vibrations for both of you to enjoy simultaneously!


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