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Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Darling Nikki Responds to Big Connection, Small Problem and G-Spontaneous

Hello Readers!

Here I am on Sunday morning reading your emails and letters…I must say they are very interesting! I love the comments on the blog – please continue to read, comment and discuss. We all have opinions on handling situations and I am sure there are certain stories that might apply to you or someone you know. Sometimes the advice here might help someone make a decision on an issue or maybe they will learn a new trick to enhance their love lives. Either way, we are here to learn, listen and discuss!

Keep reading … and I look forward to your comments this week. Please hit me at romancepotions4u@aol.com with your story or issue and I will address it next week.

Darling Nikki

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Dear Darling Nikki!

I am a married woman with a family – I’ve been married for about 10 years with 2 young children. I also have a “friend” that I have been involved with for a few years now. Here’s my issue… my husband is well endowed and keeps me happy sexually – he can make me have an orgasm very quickly and I love it! My “friend” is on the smallish side and doesn’t quite “measure up” to all my sexual needs leaving me unsatisfied. How do I get the best of both worlds?

Anonymous

Newark, NJ

Dear Anonymous:

I had to think about this one for a while… this is what I’m getting from your note. Your husband and you have a great sex life but there seems to be other things missing from your martial relationship. Your “friend” of a few years seems to fill the void(s) that are missing from your marriage, whether it is companionship, conversation, friendship … things that you should / could be sharing with your husband. But your “friend” comes up short in the sex department – (how frustrating is that?) … so why not just really be friends without the physical part. If you are not satisfied with the sex then why even bother – can’t the two of you just remain friends? I do believe a man and woman can be just friends without any physical involvement. You could have the best of both worlds – a good male friend to hang out with, talk to, party with and a great sex life at home. Personally, I would get really frustrated if I were having sex just to satisfy the other person and I really wasn’t getting anything out of it. Why not try talking to your friend and telling him that you want to continue being friends without any physical involvement. If this man really likes you and is really a friend he will respect your request.

Hope this helps.

Nikki

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Dear Darling Nikki,

The other day I had a conversation with a person about sex and she mentioned that squirting was one of the best parts of sex. I have had many orgasms on sexual occasions but I have never squirted. My question to you is…What does my man need to be doing to make me squirt?

Yours Truly,

Squirtless

Dear Squirtless,

The Simple Secret to Female Ejaculation

It’s all about the blood flow. The only thing that determines whether you can succed in making an orgasm ejaculatory or not is the level of unprohibited blood-flow in the whole body. Okay, there’s another catch to it and that is the ever-so-often talked about G-Spot. If you understand how to make the blood flow through your body, the G-Spot will gain more and more … “effect”. Now, of course to really get the blood flowing and to accomplish an ejaculatory orgasms through the G-Spot a massage is in order.

Also we need the blood flowing in the whole body, that’s why the massage has to get really intimate. Have your partner not only work your back, but also especially the areas that are important to sexual stimulation: the pubic bone, the inner thighs and the buttocks. Massage the area around the breasts too, go all the way down the legs and up the neck – remember the goal is to relax and relieve all tension from the body. Remember you’ve got to relax and let your partner work out the tensions. Don’t rush it … take your time.

The G-Spot

Okay, once you really got the blood flowing it’s time for some good G-Spot stimulation. If you were to put one hand on the female pubic area and with the other try to touch the palm of your hand from inside the vagina you have the area of that G-Spot. By stimulating this area (that means just touching it) there will build up a spongey knob and that’s the actual G-Spot.

When stimulating the G-Spot you ought to be a bit intense with pressure and rubbing – not too rough but not gentle. The vaginal area can withstand very strong stimulation and going to weak on the process won’t bring any results. You need a strong stimulus to achieve a strong response.

If at first you don’t succeed… just try again. Enjoy!

Until Next Time…Think Naughty Thoughts!

Darling Nikki

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Friday, May 8, 2009

Sidepiece Wants Wife Status

Hello Readers!

I am presently reading “Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man” by Steve Harvey. While still early on in the book I’m not too impressed with the information Steve thinks he is imparting to us women. I have had a few conversations with men about the book and they have very strong opinions about what Steve has written. In the coming weeks I will ask questions regarding this book and look forward to your feedback and comments. I would also like to plan a small gathering or focus group to discuss some of the ideas from the book, so, if you are interested please respond to my email address at Romancepotions4u@aol.com.

Also, I am always here to answer your love questions or just read a good story. I also want to hear your opinions on the stories that are posted. Don’t be shy…let’s discuss.

I hope you enjoy this weeks column and please tell your friends to visit the site.

Nikki

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Darling Nikki!

I have been in a relationship with a married man for the past year. I do everything for him… he comes to my house every night for dinner, we make love and he goes home to his wife. I shop for clothes for him I cater to him I do everything he wants and asks. He recently gave me his grandmother’s wedding band to wear and asked me to never take it off. He said if I do it will show him that I do not love him. I never take the ring off and I do love him with all my heart. I just don’t understand why he will not leave his wife and just be with me. He says he loves me and that I make him happy but I can’t get him to move in with me. What should I do to make him leave her so we can be happy together all the time?

Want to be Wifey! Long Island

Dear “Want to be Wifey”!

What the hell! The writing is on the wall and you just aren’t seeing it, reading it or getting the message. You are no more than a little kitty kat on the side; no more – no less. You are foolish to think you can make him leave his wife by taking care of him with dinners, sex and lavishing him with gifts. By the way, you never mentioned what he does for you … only what you do for him. Are you that desperate? Yes! I am upset! He is using you for you food, sex and gifts. He has the best of both worlds – his wife and you.

Stop the madness and let this mess go, I can’t even call it an affair! Take time for yourself and search your mind, heart and soul, figure out what you need to make yourself happy. Look for your self esteem, find your courage, see your strength and understand that this loser is not doing anything for you and you are worth more than what he is offering.

Please take this advise WTBW…this is headed nowhere and I can promise you at the end of the day you will find yourself alone and crying. He is not leaving his wife!

5 Signs He Won’t Leave His Wife

Sign #1 Involved for More Than A Year

You’re in an affair for more than a year and he still can’t make the break from his wife. It’s very likely he’s not leaving her.



Sign #2 The Money

“I just need to make sure I can move money so when I leave her she won’t get any”. WTH! Another lame excuse…Remember you also have some assets to bring to the relationship.

Sign #3 The Kids need to get a little older

Why? How old do the kids need to be? All kids grieve when parents split no matter what age.

Sign #4 He spends more nights away from you I know he doesn't want to create suspicion at home. Soon he'll leave her and you'll be together? Forever! Please read point 1 again.

Sign #5 He doesn’t respond to you anymore The gifts, flowers, dinners out or weekends away, slowly fade away. The phone calls become less frequent and he doesn’t call you back as quickly as he did before. The romance is dwindling, he is losing interest. Perhaps it's just as well you didn't take the big step.

And finally remember if you are going through this now, it could happen to you later. Some people don’t change and you would hate to be wifey with him cheating on you. Good to find out now than be sitting home with Ice cream and tissues crying your eyes out.

Until Next Time…Think Naughty Thoughts.

Nikki

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As Always Visit DnaTalk Radio for updates and upcoming show topics!

www.dnatalkradio.com

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Darling Nikki Responds to Orally Dysfunctional and Just Wondering

Hello Everyone!

I hope you were able to join us this past Sunday where we discussed Communication and Relationships. It was a great show and if you missed it you can download to hear and please listen in next week!

Also, I love feedback so please feel free to post your advice, comments, and concerns so we can discuss on upcoming shows. This week we have 2 questions so lets read and get your comments.

Dear Darling Nikki:

I have been in a long term relationship with my boyfriend (3 years) and we have a great relationship. He has adopted my children as his own and I’ve done the same with him. We are an ideal couple – we work toward the same goals and partner on everything. He meets all my needs, anything I want he gives me. He is a chef and is home most of the day while I work so when I get home the house is cleaned, kids doing homework and dinner is on the table. Many nights he will meet me with a glass of wine and top that off with a foot massage and a night of making love.

So, you are probably wondering, what’s the problem? Well, while he pleases me completely in every way I want, I cannot perform oral sex. I just can’t do it! The whole act of it bothers me – just thinking of it bothers me. I’ve never tried and he has asked me numerous times. He takes care of me orally but I can’t return the love in that manner. I can’t bring myself to go below. I don’t want to have this be a hindrance in our relationship what do you suggest I do to overcome this bedroom obstacle. I love him and want to please him but do I have to do this?

Orally Dysfunctional

New Jersey

Dear Orally Dysfunctional:

I will say that you should not take too much of a formal attitude toward what should be a spontaneous act with your partner. You might just be over thinking the whole process and working yourself up to a point where you feel you might not be good at it or not be able to please him. If you are new to the this act – which from your letter it seems you are – then start off slow and have him guide you with either his words or his moans. You do not need to become an expert overnight so soft strokes and kisses in sensitive areas are a good start. You don’t have to make this a “happy ending” orally but it could be a way for both of you to enjoy foreplay. Discover him in a new way, allow him to enjoy you in a new way and this will take both of you to new sexual heights. My advice in a nutshell: Loosen up and act more spontaneously in the bedroom I know this will have a positive effect for both of you to … especially for him!

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Darling Nikki:

When do you think its time to become a couple of make it official?

Just Wondering

New Jersey


Dear Just Wondering:

Firstly, you should not totally stop dating once you meet a guy that you think is the right one for you right? We all do it, date other people, until we are sure that this is the person we want to be committed to. It’s been my experience that men generally lead the way in this romance area. He usually stops dating/sleeping with other people weeks before he even tells you. By the time he does tell you, recognize that he is stating that he is interested in you…and only you. When you get introduced to people, if he isn’t ready for couple hood he will keep this boundary. He will introduce you as a friend or my date or someone he is just seeing versus My Girl. Once he says my girl, my boo, my honey…MY anything, then take this as another flag towards the two of you being a couple. When he brings you to meet his friends … you know its serious and the same with us. He’s gotta pass the girlfriend check. If he has introduced you to relatives then good chances are… you are a couple. Even if it’s just on the phone this should be considered a milepost. If most of these are yes, then chances are you have already become a couple. When you go from just dating to serious dating, it isn’t a sudden process. It’s a gradual transformation where you begin consistently putting each other first, where you start running plans by each other, and where you spend a lot of free time together. Eventually, your lives become as one and you are now official.

Until Next Time…

Think Naughty Thoughts,

Nikki

Sex Tip: Good Head

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Sunday, April 12, 2009

Married with Children Wants Out!

Welcome to "Darling Nikki"! I'm Nikki your relationship love coach. This column is designed to assist you with love, sex and relationship issues. I hope you consider me a friend and use me as a sounding board. The advice I give will come from books, experience, and sometimes just good sense. Feel free to voice your opinions too on other issues you see here. We will also discuss letters on the talk show so tune in and join the conversation!

So, here is our first love query:


Hi Nikki,


I hope that I am the first to request adv. I really need it. But my issues may take a while to get through. Ok- I married 3 years ago this year. And I love my husband dearly and I don't want anyone else anymore. But I am not sexually in tune with him. I taught him a lot in the bedroom. He is from Africa and he was like a new baby when he came here. We went through a abusive relationship for a little while but everything is fine now or at least it seems but we don't live together anymore. I kicked him out in Dec.I really want to be with him but I don't desire to hold his body or make love to him. I have a date with him this fri for sex, sounds crazy but its true. I haven't had it in more than 4 months and it doesn't bother me at all. I am only 28 yrs old. Whats wrong with me?


Michelle*, Brooklyn, NY

*Name as been changed for privacy reasons


Hi Michelle,

I read your letter and it took me a minute to put my mind around all the different things you were saying and not saying. So after reading and re-reading this is what I would advise - ultimately at the end of the day it's still your decision.

First of all, there is nothing wrong with you! You love your husband but you are not IN LOVE with him ... huge difference. And while you desire to be affectionate with someone it doesn't have to be him. I think you are at a state where you need to move on. Your relationship has gone through major trials and tribulations and just the fact that you asked him to leave means you are not happy with him or the relationship you have with him. Having a sex date is not going to fix the bigger problems you have (which I feel you've not really put down here) nor is it fair to him to send the wrong signals.

You are young and its time for you to open your eyes and realize that this may not be the ideal relationship for you. Abuse, whether physical or mental is an absolute red flag to 'GET OUT"!

Here's my advice in a nutshell: You asked him to leave for a reason - think about the actions and reasons that brought you to the point to ask him to leave. Then consider if this is the relationship you want to be in and the man you want to be with. If so, you gotta work it out - whether it be through counseling, family members or just the two of you. I also feel that there should be a strong physical desire to be with your partner... I'm not getting that from your letter but, it could be that you are just not happy with him and cant see him in that light.

I hope I was able to at least allow you to see things from a different perspective and take the steps to allow you to be happy.


-Nikki


Send your questions or stories to Romancepotions4u@aol.com

Until next time...

Think Naughty Thoughts
Nikki

Sex Tip
Try the Humdinger a great toy for him and her. Vibrations for both of you to enjoy simultaneously!


And as always for updates and additional information on the show check out www.dnatalkradio.com

Love Advice Inquiries

We know y'all have relationship problems out there. In almost an "advice hour" type format, DnA Talk Radio has enlisted, Nikki, who has penned herself as the "Dr. Ruth of the New Generation" to appear on our main site, www.dnatalkradio.com as well as be a reoccuring guest on our Internet Talk Radio Show on Sundays at 5pm EST, to answer relationship and love questions.

Don't be shy, she's here to help. You don't have to worry about being judged and don't worry, if need be, you can request to have your identity withheld. Any questions you have can be emailed to her at romancepotions4u@aol.com.

If you don't have questions yet just keep www.dnatalkradio.com in your favorites as we promise to always keep it interesting as we discuss entertainment, current events, and our honest opinions on everything.

If you don't need advice yet, feel free to pass along any interesting or funny dating stories, or comment on any of the issues in the blog.

Disclaimer: Questions sent may be used on the blog or used during a segment on the online radio talk show; but again if need be, we won't use your real name.

And as always for updates and additional information on the show check out www.dnatalkradio.com